Where'd the Plotline Go?
by Alaina
Summary: This started out as a sentence-by-sentence story at a sleepover while waiting for breakfast. Obviously it's developed a bit since then, but we thought we'd post it anyway. yeah huh! Enjoy and review!
1. Default Chapter

The day was nearing its end. Actually, it wasn't; it was just after dawn. Really, it was high noon. Anyways...Two travelers were walking down a long road to nowhere. One was a tall, blonde, gorgeous elf named Legolas, and the other Meighan! There were also two tall, dark, pretty elf twins and Laina. In the far picture Aragorn and Molly were falling behind. Kissing. They were walking through the woods, but Molly and Aragorn were 'lost'.  
  
"Aragorn, I really think we should speed up! Laina and Meighan are so far ahead of us!"  
  
"So?"  
  
Ahead of them, Laina stopped, sighed with exasperation, and screamed, "You guys, just keep following the stupid path! You're like, three feet behind us!"  
  
"Aragorn! Stop that or I will hit you darling!! Now hurry your butt up!"  
  
Back in the front, Legolas was giving Meighan a piggyback ride to shut her up. Elladan and Elrohir were laughing at Laina, who kept tripping. Finally Aragorn and Molly caught up to the pack. There was a hand mark on Aragorn's face.  
  
"What happened to you?" asked Legolas curiously and dropped Meighan for the fourth time.  
  
"It's better not to ask questions," Aragorn told him with a wary glance at Molly.  
  
"Next time I tell you too stop touching me and move, you shall do so, won't you pooky? Look at that!! There's a bum in the tree!!"  
  
They all turned to look. There were, in fact, some legs sticking out of a tree, kicking madly, and muffled screams could be heard.  
  
"Ha! It's Pippin!" Laina yelled, and burst out laughing.  
  
"What is he doing in there? Maybe we should leave him. Hahaha." Aragorn said looking at Molly but with one hand on his face.  
  
"I want a cooky." Meighan suddenly announced. Everyone turned to stare, then thought the better of it and ignored her for the rest of the chapter. Laina couldn't stop laughing, and she was getting the twins started.  
  
Then Merry came bounding out of a big bush. "He was looking for mushrooms and he got stuck!"  
  
Laina skipped forwards, and grabbed his waist, pulling on him. With a 'pop' noise, he came flying out and landed on Laina. "You're sitting on my head," she said with a muffled groan. With great effort, Laina pushed Pippin off her and was picked up by the twins.  
  
"Well, that solves that problem," said Pippin, standing up and looking as though he had accomplished it himself.  
  
"You're very welcome," Laina told him with a sarcastic air. "Ok, so, where are we going?" Merry and Pippin both said in unison.  
  
A sheer look of terror came across Legolas' face. "You can't be serious!! We already have Laina, Meighan, and that blonde girl!"  
  
"Molly!" Molly yelled at him. "Tell him off, sweetie," she urged Aragorn.  
  
But as they looked around, Aragorn was nowhere to be seen. "Ahhh!!! He's gone!! Look! Isn't that Arwen's necklace? Oh my god! She stole him!" Molly shrieked in horror.  
  
"Umm, I'm right behind you," Aragorn told her, poorly concealing his amusement. "And that's YOUR necklace."  
  
"Paranoid," Laina muttered to the twins.  
  
"Does anybody know where we are going? Like seriously! We have just been walking and riding and rowing for like three frickin' weeks!" said Molly, clutching Aragorn's arm.  
  
Out of the blue, Legolas let out a screech. "Look at my beautiful hair!! I'm getting split-ends! Oh no, I might start to look like...*shudder* Aragorn!"  
  
They all looked at him with an odd expression, except for Aragorn who looked put out. "Riiiiight."  
  
Legolas' face lit up and he bellowed, "I know where we want to go!! Mirkwood! It's nice there!!" "No! There're giant spiders!" Molly and Laina yelled. Meighan yelled it too, but nobody heard her as she is currently being ignored for the rest of the chapter.  
  
"Aw, fine," Legolas pouted. "I need a hug." Unfortunately, nobody would hug him because Meighan would kill them, and Meighan wouldn't hug him because she is being ignored.  
  
"Wait, I know where we should go!" Aragorn proposed. "We should go to Gondor, I'm king there." He started going on and on like a little kid.  
  
"No way! There are other girls there! And you're king. They would be all over you. No way." insisted Molly, stamping her foot and glaring at Aragorn, who was still going on about his 'kingly' duties.  
  
"Ooh, I know! Let's go to Rivendell!" Elladan said.  
  
"Yeah!" Elrohir agreed. "Ever since Daddy left we're like, the head-lord dudes there."  
  
"Well, that would be a good idea but, you see...ummm...Glorfindel is still kinda...you know...mad at me for sorta...um...burning down part of the kitchen...that was kinda his room...How did I know you can cook KD over an open fire?" Laina demanded.  
  
The twins sighed with exasperation. "So where CAN we go?" Elrohir asked.  
  
"Well, we're getting nowhere just standing here arguing." Legolas told them. "Let's just keep going for now." "Good idea. This part of the forest is royally freaking me out. I keep seeing little creatures running though the trees," Molly said, grabbing Aragorn and jumping onto his back.  
  
The group continued walking deeper and deeper into the forest. Everyone had this weird feeling they were being watched and followed.  
  
"Hoom, hello," said a strange voice.  
  
"Treebeard!" Merry and Pippin screamed as they started to climb an appearing 'random' tree.  
  
"What the?!?" Aragorn yelled.  
  
"Guys...I think I just peed myself," Molly whispered to Laina.  
  
"Right. Hello little non-orcs," Treebeard said before putting down Merry and Pippin and leaving.  
  
"'K. That was...random," Laina laughed. "Yay, random things! Ah Casey, remember when Gimli spilled his beer? (Laina's notes : did anybody else find that disgusting and NOT funny?) That was so funny!" Molly randomly spoke.  
  
"Right, can we keep walking? I don't like this scenery anymore. I wanna go surfing," Legolas piped up.  
  
Just then, Gimli fell onto the path. "Let's go to Mor-"  
  
"No!" Laina screamed.  
  
"But you didn't let me finish. Mori-" "No!"  
  
"M-"  
  
"NO!" Molly and Laina both screamed. "No filthy mines!"  
  
"Just give it up," Pippin told him.  
  
"Hey, let's go to the Shire!" Merry suggested, proud of himself.  
  
"Well, that WOULD be fun..." Molly started.  
  
"But what?" Elrohir asked.  
  
"I owe Sam money..."  
  
"Argh!" Aragorn screamed in exasperation. "Everywhere ANYONE suggests, you two have some excuse NOT to go!"  
  
"That's not true!" Molly insisted.  
  
"Uh...yes it is," Laina told her.  
  
Suddenly a little dude in black robes walked across the path. He stopped and turned to them. "Let's go to Hogwarts!" Everyone blinked at him. The little dude shrugged and disappeared off the path.  
  
"Woah-k," said Molly.  
  
"What the hell was that?" asked Elladan.  
  
"Don't ask. Just please, don't ask," Laina told him. "Hey, you know what's weird?" Legolas suddenly piped up.  
  
"Nooo! Poor Haldir! He's not dead!" Laina suddenly cried.  
  
"Like I was saying," Legolas continues, glaring at Laina, "Molly was just saying something about Gimli, and then he appeared."  
  
Everyone turned and blinked at him, except for Gimli, who said, "I STILL think we should go to-"  
  
"NO!" Laina cut him off.  
  
"Um, Lego, have you been thinking about that this whole time?" Molly asked.  
  
"Yeah." "I'm fat!" Meighan suddenly announced.  
  
"Well, the chapter must be over, because Meighan isn't being ignored anymore," Laina told everybody. 


	2. Stuff happens people get lost! Yay! lost...

Chapter 2  
  
The strange group finally decided on something-to stop for the night. After supper, they laid on the ground and tried to sleep. They had a hard time, however, due to Molly.  
  
"I can't sleep. The ground's too hard. I'm sinking in the mud. It's too cold. The moon's too bright. I'm thirsty. It's too hot," she whined.  
  
"Molly. Shut up and let. Us. Sleep," Meighan growled through gritted teeth from beside Legolas.  
  
This shut Molly up for about five minutes. Then she started up again. Finally Laina had had just about enough. She got up and walked over to her.  
  
"Molly, if you do not shut up RIGHT NOW, I will make Gimli SIT on you." Molly shut up quickly and didn't make a noise.  
  
"Hey, why am I used for punishment?" Gimli started to complain until Merry and Pippin started throwing stones at his big ugly head.  
  
The next morning they had a quick breakfast and continued on their way to...somewhere. The whole time Laina had a sense that something was missing and around mid-morning she mentioned it to Elrohir.  
  
"I know what you mean," he agreed. "Like the crickets have stopped chirping."  
  
"Yeah, but more annoying," she told him. "More like an irritating alarm clock that you got used to that somebody suddenly turned off. Or a seagull was suddenly shot."  
  
"Gimli must be gone!" Meighan piped up from behind them.  
  
"Hey, he's my...*shudder*...friend," Legolas defended him half heartedly. They blinked at him. "Oh, never mind," he said, and stopped pretending Gimli was his friend for unknown reasons. Just then another dwarf fell out of the sky.  
  
"Hey mister, are you okay?" Laina asked.  
  
"Who are you calling 'mister'?" he-er-she demanded.  
  
"You're pretty," Gimli told her and everybody realised they were identical. "Marry me!"  
  
"Ok!" she said, and they ran off into the woods.  
  
"At least they're gone, at least they're gone," Legolas chanted, trying not to think about two identical...creatures..getting married.  
  
After a couple more hours, Meighan announced that she was hungry.  
  
"Me too!" Laina said. "Hey Elladan! Let's stop for lunch!" she called to the twin that was leading.  
  
"Yay!" Merry and Pippin shrieked, and sat down, refusing to move another step until they were fed.  
  
"Mmm, this is good!" Laina mumbled as she bit into an Elvish something-or- other. "Hey Molly, want a bite?"  
  
An eerie silence fell over the group as they realised that neither Molly nor Aragorn were with them. Finally Laina exploded.  
  
"What are we going to do? I told you we'd forgotten something. It'll take ALL DAY to go back there, and they'll be hungry and lost and...and..." she trailed off.  
  
"Cheer up!" Pippin told her. "Aragorn's a ranger. He tramps through the woods for FUN!"  
  
"Yeah!" Merry added. "They'll probably have caught up with us by tomorrow morning."  
  
***Meanwhile***  
  
Deep in the woods and far from the path, Molly collapsed on a rotting log. "I can't believe you got us lost!" she admonished Aragorn who was staring at a tree.  
  
"We're not lost, just...misplaced," he insisted to the tree.  
  
"LOST! Darling, what are you doing?" For Aragorn was still staring blankly at the tree.  
  
"Finding out where we are,"  
  
"Or pretending to,"  
  
"AlRIGHT," he sighed, giving up his charade and sitting down heavily beside her. "I give up. We are lost,"  
  
"I knew it," Molly moaned.  
  
Suddenly Aragorn sat up straight, eyes wide. "On the other hand, we ARE alone..." he trailed off suggestively.  
  
"No."  
  
"Aw, come on..."  
  
***Meanwhile*** As the group rested and contemplated what they were going to do, and earsplitting crack filled the air, like a gun shot. It was followed almost immediately by a serious of swearing from a deep voice.  
  
"Holy shit. Fuck fuck, what the hell did you do that for? That REALLY hurt!!"  
  
A high pitched voice responded to the deeper voice. "I know it hurt. I told you NO. You should listen to me!"  
  
"Damn listening to you. I'm the friggin king of Gondor for sobbing out loud. What do I need to listen to you for?"  
  
"Because, it's me. Don't you love me?" The latest outburst was followed by a deep yell, followed by a high pitched scream, and then obvious sounds of fighting. Or, at least, the group HOPED it was fighting...(l/n: wink wink, OoOoOoOoOoO Molly...)  
  
"Look's like we found them," Elrohir announced, grinning.  
  
"I'd REALLY like to know who's going to wear the pants in that family," Elladan laughed. 


	3. Gondorian slinkies

The group was just getting ready to leave to try and find the two missing persons when Aragorn and molly came stumbling out of the brush.

"Did you know that even in Middle Earth there is poison ivy?" Molly announced, holding her thigh.

Everybody snickered at this and just continued on walking to nowhere in particular. But it was weird, every few steps there seemed to be a rustle in the dark woods beside them. Just then a twig cracked and a very high pitched voice whispered, "Sssshitssss."

Molly and Casey both reached for the closest weapons, Molly, Aragorn's... sword and Casey, a large stick.

Legolas cracked up laughing. "Look! Their weapons are almost bigger than they are!"

And yes, it was true. But Casey and Molly were occupied, they were staring at a foot that was sticking out of the bush. "Uh, guys... someone's here! There is a foot sticking out of that bush!" Molly very frightily spoke. At that everyone turned around to see. It was true, there was a very small grey foot sticking out of the bush. Elladan got a huge amount of courage and pulled the foot, and out came Gollum.

"Eww!! That's so gross! Get it away! That's so evil, look at it!! I'm gonna get nightmares now!" Casey screamed at the top of her lungs.

"Oh for God's sakes, Casey. It's just Gollum. Look at that faaaceee. He's so cute."

"Ohh Dearsesss..." Gollum timidly spoke as Molly walked toward him and picked him up like a little child.

"Oh can we take him with us? I promise he won't get freaky. I'll get him some pills for that... oh please!?!?" Molly insisted.

A look of sheer disgust crossed Aragorn's face. "OK, no! I can't even believe you're touching that... that... thing!! You might get rabies or something." At that Molly turned on her heel to face Aragorn and lunged at him pretending to bite him.

"OK, could we just ditch the ugly thing and stop all this nonsense? Or is that just freaking impossible?" Legolas roared over the crowd.

"Fine, fine, fine." Molly pouted and put Gollum down. He took a quick glance at Casey as she swung her foot towards him. She got him right in the butt and he went flying through the woods. "Casey!! I SO can't believe you just did that! I am going to make Gimli kiss you or something for that," Molly exclaimed, looking royally p.o.ed.

"There it is again," Gimli yelled. "You're using me as punishment!"

"Guys... can we stop and camp here tonight?" Legolas asked, and dropping a sleeping Meighan on the ground awaking her.

"Wha? Where am I?" the weary Meighan said.

"Just go back to sleep Niko" Casey told her.

"Fine! We camp here for the night," Aragorn said in his most 'manly' voice.

Everyone had the worse sleep that night due to the fact that Gimli was making weird noises in his sleep.

"Could someone just... you know, kill him?" Elladan asked hopefully.

"You know, that probably wouldn't be a bad idea," Molly added wearily.

PPPTFFT

A loud high pitched noise echoed through the woods.

"Oh god! He just passed gas!!!" Casey screamed, disgusted. The only person that didn't mind Gimli was Aragorn, who was fast asleep.

"How can he do that?" Legolas asked in awe.

"Do what?" they all replied.

"Sleep! How can Aragorn sleep through this! I am almost 3000 years old, and I have never suffered so much in my entire life," Legolas complained.

"Where did he come from anyway?" Meighan asked. "What happened to that dwarf girl... thing?"

"Maybe she died," Legolas suggested hopefully.

"Great. But in the mean time we're stuck with Gimli again."

"Oh yeah..."

The troop trudged on to no where.

"Ever wonder that you have no meaning in life?" Molly sadly asked.

"What?" Aragorn inquired.

"Well, we have been just walking around for a long, long time. And we never get anywhere."

Laina and Molly suddenly looked at each other. "Slinky!" they both yelled.

"What?" Elrohir asked.

"We have to go to Gondor!" Molly announced.

"Yay!" Aragorn cheered. Everyone glared at him.

"What made you decide this now?" Elladan demanded. "We've been traveling in the opposite direction for the past five days."

"It's alright!" Aragorn insisted. "Really. It's no big deal."

"I don't want to go to Gondor!" Meghan argued. "Why can't we go somewhere nice, with elves? I don't want to go back the other way."

"Nor do I," Gimli agreed. Meghan backed away from him. "I say we keep going no, perhaps come out near the mines. Who else is with us?"

Although Aragorn was probably the only one really keen on heading for Gondor, nobody wanted to share an opinion with Gimli. They all looked at their feet or the sky, humming absently.

"Oh, well, I guess it's settled then," Elrohir said quickly. "Bye Gimli. See you Meghan!" He grabbed Alaina and raced off, everyone else following right behind.

"Hurry!" Pippin gasped. "Before they decide to follow."

They ran and ran and ran until Alaina nearly fell over. Then Elrohir picked her up and they kept running. Aragorn picked up Molly, but that was mostly just so he could hold her.

They ran for a very long time, stopping only at night when they could safely hide.

"You know what?" Legolas asked as they prepared to leave on morning. "We could really use some horses."

The clearing they were in filled with smoke.

"What did you do?" Molly screamed at the little she could see of Legolas through the smoke.

When it cleared, Alaina and Elrohir were snogging.

"Oh, um, there's no more smoke," Elrohir commented as they broke apart guiltily, avoiding Elladan's dirty glare.

"Oh, look. There's horses!" Alaina yelled.

"Nice try, Alaina," Molly said.

"No, really, there's horses." They looked where she was pointing and sure enough there were six horses.

"But there's eight of us," Merry pointed out.

"We could double up," Aragorn offered.

Molly glared at him. "I'm not going all the way to Gondor stuck behind you with you hitting on me the whole time.

"I swear, I won't hit you with the whip," Aragorn promised.

"Who said anything about whips?" Molly demanded, eyeing him suspiciously.

"Ooooh, kinky," Alaina said.

"We have whips?" Elladan muttered to Elrohir.

"Don't get any idea," Elrohir retorted.

"Alright," Aragorn said. "So Molly and I w ill share-"

"Nuh-uh-uh-uh-uh," Molly interrupted. "I don't think so smookums. I want my own horse. The black one with the white tail-"

"But-"Aragorn started.

"Nope. You can share with Merry."

"What about me?" Pippin asked.

"You can share with Legolas," Alaina offered generously. He glared at her, but she was already getting Elladan to help her onto her horse. Molly had climbed on hers and Elrohir was holding one for himself and one for his brother. Suddenly Legolas grabbed Pippin and pulled him forward.

"Okay, come on, let's go."

As he moved forward, Aragorn discovered why. The last remaining horse was, in fact, a donkey. "I hate you," he announced to no one in particular.

Abruptly Molly stopped. "Hang on, you guys. I have to fix my hair."

"Okay," Alaina agreed. "I have to, uh... disappear into the woods for a few moments. Elladan and Elrohir wannacomewithme?"

However Molly finished with her hair at that moment, piling it on top of her head in a Pebbles Flintstone style. Alaina and the twins looked immensely disappointed. Alaina gloomily got on her horse so the troop could move on. The trip started.

The group galloped into an open meadow. Molly was way out of the crowd, riding along the edge of a dark wood. Elladan came slightly behind Alaina's horse and smacked her in the back, knocking her off her horse. "Elladan you idiot!!" Elrohir screamed and jumped off his horse to help Alaina up. "You shall ride on me, wait... on my horse!! HORSE! Ahem," Elrohir spluttered. Everyone let out a small giggle, everyone except Molly, who had somehow disappeared. Without Aragorn.

All of the sudden, two extremely loud screeches filled the air. The sky grew dark and a black shadow came streaking out of the woods, being trailed by another shadow on a horse. As the figures came closer, the group could see who they were. Molly was inn a long black cloak, and she was being chased by a mounted Ringwraith. "HELP!" she screamed in panic.

"I'll save you! And give you my blood, if you need it," Alaina yelled, and turned her horse around to face the two. When the Ringwraith saw the people, it turned tail and galloped out of sight.

The group looked at Molly as she panted for breath. "Don't... seduce... Ringwraiths!" she panted. "That jerk stole my horse! But did give me that nice cloak."

"Riiiggghhhttt," Merry said, rolling his eyes.

"OK, not that THAT is over, can we continue to Gondor? Please?" Legolas pleaded. And with that he rode his horse off into the distance and slipped off the side. "Nobody say anything."

They rode for several days before finally reaching Gondor. They entered Minas Tirith and went straight to the Citadel. Sitting down by the pool, Molly and Alaina began emptying their pockets of countless... slinkies?

"It's the Fellowship of the Slinkies," Molly explained.

"And then some," Alaina added.

"See, this black one's you darling, and the green is Legolas."

"Frodo is blue and the white one is Gandalf."

They went on pulling out variously coloured slinkies and naming them. "And of course we can't forget Merry and Pippin," Molly said, pulling out two brightly coloured bouncy balls. Said hobbits looked proud.

"What about us?" Elrohir asked.

"You're right here," Alaina answered, pulling out a purple slinky. "Sorry, you have to share; we ran out of extra colours. But you're used to sharing things."

"It's okie!" they said in unison.

"So what is the point?" Legolas inquired.

"Point? Does there HAVE to be a point? Like, no," Alaina retorted.

"You know what?" Laina asked suddenly. "I hate choir." She giggled. "May there be a de-ad per-son back of ev'ry cloud you see."

They stared at her.

"Oh, never mind. Come on Molly! It's time for the slinky races!"

"Yay!" They ran over to an enclosed corner of the citadel and started pushing on random stones. "Oh, bullshit," Molly muttered. "I know it's one of these..." All of a sudden a piece of the wall swung back, revealing a staircase. "Told 'ya so."

Everyone ran over, looking down. "Wow. That's a long staircase," Legolas commented.

"It goes all the way down to the first floor... level," Alaina announced proudly.

Aragorn looked sad and confused. "How did you know that was there? I didn't know, and I live here."

Alaina stared at him. "Because we're in charge of everything. Duh."

"That is an absolutely terrifying thought."

Alaina and Molly glared at Elladan.

"Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait-wait-wait."

Everyone looked up as Faramir came running outside.

"You can't do that!!" he announced. "Hi Lord Aragorn. The King isn't here and..." he paused. "Oh. Lord Aragorn. You're back."

"Faramir, what are you doing here?" Aragorn asked. "You're not the Steward anymore, remember? I have you your own place to live."

"I know. But I got bored. Leggy boy left and I had no one else to make fun of. Éowyn hits me if I make fun of her."

"Oh well, you're pretty. You can hang around with us," Molly decided. Legolas looked less than thrilled. "Okay, ready? One, two, three, GO!"

Molly and Alaina dropped the slinkies down the stairs. "This could take awhile," Alaina said. "There are a lot of levels. Let's go do something."

THREE HOURS LATER

"Come on... yay! I win!" Faramir jumped in circles as his slinky reached the bottom.

"Kay, I'm bored. Let's go," Aragorn decided.

"Man, you're never around," Faramir said. "No wonder your wife's sleeping with half the Guard."

"What?"

"Nothing."

Oooohkay. Let's go."

Following Elladan's suggestion, they started to leave.

"Oh, wait!" Can we bring Faramir?" Faramir asked. Everyone stared at him. "Oops, I mean Éomer. He's my best friend."

Legolas rolled his eyes, but Alaina said, "Sure! He's yummy... looking."

"Hey Éomer!" Faramir called. The door opened, revealing loud music and laughing. Éomer stumbled out, a girl hanging off his arm. He caught sight of Aragorn and shoved her back inside, slamming the door.

"Hi Mr. Aragorn lord king man dude."

"What's going on?" Aragorn asked suspiciously.

"We're going, that's what," said Faramir. 'And Éomer's coming too. Let's go Éomer."

8

"At least now we have horses," Legolas said, being abnormally optimistic.

"Remind me again who's brilliant idea it was to leave before we even got to sleep in a bed," Elladan growled.

"Hey, he's your foster brother in law, not mine," Elrohir answered.

Elladan looked at him. "Don't make me kiss you." He blinked. "Kick you."

"Ah!" Faramir screamed and nearly fell off his horse trying to duck. "The pink flying elephants are after me!"

"Do they have acid in Middle Earth?" Alaina asked Molly, glancing warily at Éomer who was singing drunkenly.

"Uh Alaina?"

"Yeah?"

"Turn around."

Alaina did. "Oh. Look at that. A pink flying elephant." The elephant buzzed away.


End file.
